My roommate is, for lack of a better word, a blind whore. Literally she can’t see, and she is horny every second of the day. She masturbates all day, and her constant moans keep me up all night long. Well, I wanted to teach her a lesson, and since I have an eye for revenge, I made a plan. When she was at her gynecologist appointment, I went into her room and replaced her dildo with a knife. She got home and went straight to her room. Right away I heard a shriek and I ran in. her vagina was shredded. It was so rewarding!
-Gina, 20
My sister was getting married. The night before we had a crazy bachelorette party. I got really high and ate an entire turkey. Well, nobody told me it would make me have to crap, and the next day I had explosive diarrhea for about 30 minutes straight. Unfortunately, there was no toilet paper, so I wiped my butt on my sister’s wedding dress. Her fiancé left her at the alter because she smelled so bad. Needless to say it was a crappy wedding.
-Sally, 25
I was really really horny, but my dildo broke, and unfortunately, I was born without fingers. I was desperate for sex, but had no money to pay a whore. I suddenly had an amazing thought; my brother was an avid reptile collector. I snuck into his room and put his pet python in my vagina. It felt really great, and now snakes are the only things that can get me off.
-Bertha, 18
One time I masturbated to Stuart Little. .
-LaTosha, 26
I met this obnoxious girl at a party and totally hated her. While she was off being a whore, my friends and I spit and rubbed our vaginas all over her pants. When she finally put them on, she said they felt slimy, and she started licking them.
-Jeanine, 19
I was reading the Pillars of the Earth and the scene where Aliena got raped by William happened. It turned me on so I decided to become a rapist.
-Gary, 27
I was at my Grandma’s house and I found some naked pictures of her. I got really horny, and I couldn’t help myself. I took a zucchini from the counter and had some solo sexytime with it. It felt awesome, but I heard somebody coming so I put it back. That night, for dinner Grandma made some grilled zucchini. I couldn’t even eat it, but she ate a lot. She said it was the best zucchini she’d ever had and it tasted particularly tangy. I almost threw up.
-Carly, 28
One day I was in a lesbionic mood. I wanted to have sex with a girl, but none of my friends swing that way. I went and found a hooker and we had some passionate lesbian sex. After we finished, she tried to charge me $5000 for the experience, but I didn’t have enough. I didn’t know what to do, so I killed her. The body is now rotting underneath my bed.
-Bernadette, 34
I cheated on my SAT and got a perfect score. I feel so guilty.
-Kate, 18
When I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me with my ex best friend, I was very hurt and upset. I made a plan and told them I got them 2 tickets for a boat ride. I paid the boat captain to take them to a remote South American island where the locals practice cannibalism. He left them there, and I haven’t heard from either of them since.
-Eliza, 26
-Gina, 20
My sister was getting married. The night before we had a crazy bachelorette party. I got really high and ate an entire turkey. Well, nobody told me it would make me have to crap, and the next day I had explosive diarrhea for about 30 minutes straight. Unfortunately, there was no toilet paper, so I wiped my butt on my sister’s wedding dress. Her fiancé left her at the alter because she smelled so bad. Needless to say it was a crappy wedding.
-Sally, 25
I was really really horny, but my dildo broke, and unfortunately, I was born without fingers. I was desperate for sex, but had no money to pay a whore. I suddenly had an amazing thought; my brother was an avid reptile collector. I snuck into his room and put his pet python in my vagina. It felt really great, and now snakes are the only things that can get me off.
-Bertha, 18
One time I masturbated to Stuart Little. .
-LaTosha, 26
I met this obnoxious girl at a party and totally hated her. While she was off being a whore, my friends and I spit and rubbed our vaginas all over her pants. When she finally put them on, she said they felt slimy, and she started licking them.
-Jeanine, 19
I was reading the Pillars of the Earth and the scene where Aliena got raped by William happened. It turned me on so I decided to become a rapist.
-Gary, 27
I was at my Grandma’s house and I found some naked pictures of her. I got really horny, and I couldn’t help myself. I took a zucchini from the counter and had some solo sexytime with it. It felt awesome, but I heard somebody coming so I put it back. That night, for dinner Grandma made some grilled zucchini. I couldn’t even eat it, but she ate a lot. She said it was the best zucchini she’d ever had and it tasted particularly tangy. I almost threw up.
-Carly, 28
One day I was in a lesbionic mood. I wanted to have sex with a girl, but none of my friends swing that way. I went and found a hooker and we had some passionate lesbian sex. After we finished, she tried to charge me $5000 for the experience, but I didn’t have enough. I didn’t know what to do, so I killed her. The body is now rotting underneath my bed.
-Bernadette, 34
I cheated on my SAT and got a perfect score. I feel so guilty.
-Kate, 18
When I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me with my ex best friend, I was very hurt and upset. I made a plan and told them I got them 2 tickets for a boat ride. I paid the boat captain to take them to a remote South American island where the locals practice cannibalism. He left them there, and I haven’t heard from either of them since.
-Eliza, 26