Everybody knows childbirth is not a particularly pleasant experience. Feeling a human ripping through your vagina has got to be painful! We asked Octomom for some tips on how to turn your childbirth from a painful, horrifying experience to the most pleasurable experience of your life. She should know. She is an expert! Here’s what she had to say:
-Wear a sexy outfit. You cannot feel sexy without looking sexy. Get creative. You can role-play, or just wear your favorite lingerie.
-Light some candles. Candles are used in the delivery room for sensual mood lighting. Also, scented candles help mask the somewhat rancid smells that come with childbirth.
-Hire a sexy doctor to deliver your baby. This is the key to getting into a sexy mindset during the delivery. Do you want George Clooney or Carrot Top delivering your baby? If you chose Carrot Top you should not even be allowed to procreate. Have the doctor wear a slutty outfit, like just a doctor’s coat and no pants. This will help distract you from your baby tearing your vagina to shreds.
-Before it’s delivery time, make a sexy playlist to put on for your baby to hear when he or she enters the world. We at Cathmo created our own playlist to give you some ideas.
1. Let’s Get it On
2. Circle of Life
3.Sexual Healing
4. Push It
5. Get Ur Freak On
6. Slave 4 U
7. Hot in Herre
-Use your baby as a pleasure object. You know what we mean. Hey, it’s already in position, right? ;)
- Eat the afterbirth. Why not? It’s coming out of you whether you like it or not. You might as well enjoy this tasty snack. It's been said that it tastes like fried dough but juicier! And think of all the protein! Yummy!
-Breastfeed EVERYONE! It’s good practice for when the baby gets hungry. It will get the milk pumping and fill everybody’s tummies. Feed your husband, his mother, the doctor, your rabbi, the couple in the room next door, anybody!
-Have the doctor take facebook pictures with your vag. Then put them in your baby’s scrapbook. It’s a great way to show your baby exactly where he came from. Try doing it at different stages of the delivery
-Get an Episiotomy! Ask for one even if you don’t need it! Hands down, sexiest medical procedure EVER! If you don’t know what this is, look it up. You won’t regret it!
-Wear a sexy outfit. You cannot feel sexy without looking sexy. Get creative. You can role-play, or just wear your favorite lingerie.
-Light some candles. Candles are used in the delivery room for sensual mood lighting. Also, scented candles help mask the somewhat rancid smells that come with childbirth.
-Hire a sexy doctor to deliver your baby. This is the key to getting into a sexy mindset during the delivery. Do you want George Clooney or Carrot Top delivering your baby? If you chose Carrot Top you should not even be allowed to procreate. Have the doctor wear a slutty outfit, like just a doctor’s coat and no pants. This will help distract you from your baby tearing your vagina to shreds.
-Before it’s delivery time, make a sexy playlist to put on for your baby to hear when he or she enters the world. We at Cathmo created our own playlist to give you some ideas.
1. Let’s Get it On
2. Circle of Life
3.Sexual Healing
4. Push It
5. Get Ur Freak On
6. Slave 4 U
7. Hot in Herre
-Use your baby as a pleasure object. You know what we mean. Hey, it’s already in position, right? ;)
- Eat the afterbirth. Why not? It’s coming out of you whether you like it or not. You might as well enjoy this tasty snack. It's been said that it tastes like fried dough but juicier! And think of all the protein! Yummy!
-Breastfeed EVERYONE! It’s good practice for when the baby gets hungry. It will get the milk pumping and fill everybody’s tummies. Feed your husband, his mother, the doctor, your rabbi, the couple in the room next door, anybody!
-Have the doctor take facebook pictures with your vag. Then put them in your baby’s scrapbook. It’s a great way to show your baby exactly where he came from. Try doing it at different stages of the delivery
-Get an Episiotomy! Ask for one even if you don’t need it! Hands down, sexiest medical procedure EVER! If you don’t know what this is, look it up. You won’t regret it!